The Weigh Down

So you're going to get a little more soul searching from me today. It helps me, I have to talk through my emotions.

What has all this extra weight done to me? It has hindered me. Hindered me in ways that I never should have allowed it to do so. I know that this is going to be heavy, and if you don't want to see the hard stuff you should look away now. My weight has kept me from being what I could be. It has kept me cycling through depression. It has kept me from going back to school and using the intelligence God gave me to earn a big girl degree. I have been told by many, many people that I should have been a journalist. I still think I should. But do you understand when I tell you that my weight still hinders me on that?

After all of the years it has taken me to get to this point, I still feel like I am living outside of my real self. God gave me the ability to string words together with some grace and I need to use it. While I am kicking myself in the behind to shed these pounds I need to be kicking myself to explore my abilities. Depression can be a deep, dark void. You fall into it and find that you are comfortable there even if you don't want to be. I know when I am disappearing under the surface, I have always known. Now I have more will to fight against it. I have things to live for. But I haven't always felt that way, and it has held me back.

My weight has oppressed me. It has worn on my body, my joints... my soul.

My husband, my friends, my family, the children I dream of having... they deserve the BEST me. They deserve a me that has broken free from the binds that weight once placed on her. They deserve my best mind, my healthiest body, and my laugh. That's right, my laughter. I can be pretty darn amusing when I want to be, and all those important to me deserve that from me. Weight will no longer ruin my days, ruin my desire to be sociable. I have blatantly avoided social situations because I felt I was too fat to go. No more!

So my dear Saucony running shoes... You're about to get a whole lot of abuse.